Guilt-free motherhood

(Book review)

If you are serious in wanting to be a 'good' mother to your children, or are seeking some assurances to the doubts and worries that are plaguing you as you muddle through motherhood, this book may show you a way - the only way - according to the author, Dr Julianna Slattery.

You have only to place yourself in God's hands and bow to his wisdom, says Slattery, a Christian psychologist and speaker. This mother of three boys offers an innovative approach to tackling motherhood - with the Bible as the blueprint, and God's words your guide.

She warns that she is not writing a how-to book. Rather than tell you what to do, she hopes to challenge how you think; and in doing so, to walk with her to seek God's strength and wisdom as mothers. With this in mind, she starts off by talking about the trials of being a mother, its demands and expectations, and moving from reactive to proactive motherhood - all the while touching on why we need to look in the scriptures for answers and guidance.

According to Slattery, the key to unlock the many puzzling difficulties mothers face is 'wisdom', and the beginning of wisdom is "fear of the Lord". For it is by instilling a fear of the Lord in our children that we teach them the boundaries of morality, the difference between right and wrong, good and evil, and to obey the standards that God has laid down.

In the second part of her book, she pinpoints the seven parenting pillars of wisdom - PURPOSE:
1) Productivity,
2) Uncompromising integrity,
3) Restrained speech,
4) Positive relationships,
5) Openness to feedback,
6) Self-control, and
7) Eye to the future.

Each of these themes is a characteristic of maturity and helps us focus our influence by setting specific goals for our children's development, she writes. Slattery also underlines the need for mothers to come to terms with the limits of their wisdom for there are elements of parenting we cannot control - illness, death, our children's choices. We can do everything right and still never be guaranteed happy, healthy, God-fearing children.

Recognising these limits and understanding them will free us from the grip of guilt.

Finally, Slattery tells us what to do with our guilt and how we can look to God to help us avoid the pitfalls of pride, selfishness and possessiveness over our children.