12 more weeks to go.

Currently in my 28th week. Feeling very big and clumsy. With 2 older children to tend to, my energy is really running low. But I'm still in no liberty to have my rest yet. In a few minutes, i will be following my daily routine of running hubby's business- with the children! The plan is to take my rest in about 6 weeks time. In the mean time, just have to go with the flow, I guess. (Sigh).

Fighting fatigue

Since I confirmed my pregnancy, I have been fighting a losing battle with fatigue. This is simply one of the reasons why I do not want to be pregnant again. I need my energy to fulfil the demanding responsiblities of a wife, a mother of two and manager of our business. Believe it or not, i can sleep standing. I'm scared if I would fall asleep while driving to work. Still hating my husband for getting me pregnant again. I couldn't take oral contraceptive pills as I couldn't stand the side effects. So, contraceptive measures was left at his side. I believe it is called "coitus interruptos". Yet, as unreliable as any man could be, he cannot control thus accident happens. Aargh! I'm so confused, angry, depressed.

I'm late.

If you're a woman, you should know what I'm talking about. Yup. My period's late. I usually have a fairly punctual 28 day cycle.Currently I am 4 days late. Should I be worried? Yes. Because if I am really pregnant, it is so off schedule. My youngest son is only going 2 next month. I barely have enough energy to keep up with them. From my experience, my energy level will drop whenever I'm pregnant. So I can't have less energy that what I have now. I'm so confused.

Do 4 years old children NEED to go to school?

I am so confused. Here I am in Malaysia where most children start going to kindergarten at 5 years old. Yet where I came from (Singapore), most children start learning as early as 2 years old. I sent my son when he was 3 to a nursery last year. But this year due to financial instability and extreme time constraint, i decided to put his learning to a temporary halt. This however has caused a uneasiness for my mother as she's scared that her grandchild will not have good education. I feel so helpless and useless.

4 years of motherhood

In 2 months time, my first child will be 4 years old, while my second child will be into his 21st month of life. But I still could NOT say I enjoy motherhood. I really don't. But being in the motherhood trap also means that I could not and will not ever wish that they just disappear from my life because if that really happens, I'm afraid that i would either go out of mind or out of life. I just don't understand how people can go through life with so much chaos that children bring. Why can't I be a better mother?